The ability to peacefully make decisions as a couple.
It is quite likely that never in your life have you and your partner had to make So.Many.Decisions. together. By adulthood, much of our lives is a bit set-it-and-forget-it. We just aren’t deciding much more than “should we order in Pad Thai or pizza for Saturday movie night?” on a regular basis. But now your life is going to go from basically the same every day to basically something new every day. And if one (or both!) of you tends gets a bit snippy when pizza wins and passive-aggressively sulks during the whole movie…wellllllllllll imagine that weekly dust-up becoming a five-times-a-day dust-up. It’s not gonna feel great.
Short Reads
Fatherly Article, “How to Make Better Joint Decisions”
GQ Article, “How to Talk About Big Life Decisions as a Couple”
Prepare Enrich Article, “3 Keys to Decision-Making Without Resentment”
Gottman Institute Article, "The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling"
Listen
Do
Read any of the linked articles above together (out loud) and discuss. The Gottman Institute article gets you extra credit points!
Sit down together for a conversation about how you both feel about how you make joint decisions. Be sure to talk about a joint decision that went well and what about that process felt good for both of you.
Think of the last decision you all made together that didn’t go well. Discuss how you wish things would go if you could have a do-over.
Ask yourself: Are there any decisions I’m avoiding bringing up or making because I am worried it will create conflict?
Buy for Yourself or Request as a Gift
Consider a couple’s therapy session or a couple’s workshop
If you are religious, ask your pastor/priest/rabbi/… if couple’s counseling is offered at your place of worship